Tirade
by Her Fantasy
Summary: Harry. The Dursleys. And a whole lot of shouting.


**Author's Note: The idea for this very suddenly came to me. It's bit insane, but once I thought of it I had to put it on paper (or screen), and once I did that, I figured I may as well post it. Enjoy!**

Tirade

KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK.

"I'll get it, dear," Harry called to his wife. He was on his way downstairs anyway, to get a piece of his son's leftover birthday cake from the kitchen for a snack. Bounding down the stairs, Harry sauntered to the door and flung it open.

There stood his aunt and uncle.

Mr. Dursley cleared his throat. "We have decided that since we never treated you properly . . . that is to say, we mistreated you compared to Dudley . . ."

"Oh?" said Harry, raising an eyebrow. "You mistreated me?"

"Er . . . yes, we weren't very . . . well, the point is, we have decided to give you a chance to let out any . . . any, er, _hard feelings_ you may have toward us."

Harry squinted at them. "You want me to yell at you, or something?"

"If you must," grunted Mr. Dursley.

"Go on and get it over with," snapped Mrs. Dursley.

Harry chuckled. "Okey-dokey. Here goes . . . WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? You KNEW I was a wizard! You KNEW you couldn't get the magic out of me, who were you kidding? YOU LIED TO ME! TEN YEARS YOU MADE ME BELIEVE I WAS DOOMED TO MISERY—sorry if I stole your phrase, Uncle Vernon—FOR THE ENTIRETY OF MY LIFE! I HAD TO SUFFER DUDLEY'S GANG BEATING ME UP ALL THE TIME! ALWAYS HAVING TO RUN! NEVER LEFT ALONE! YOU TOLD ME MY PARENTS DIED IN A CAR CRASH, YES, YOU COULDN'T BE BOTHERED TO EVEN LET ME KNOW THEY WERE MURDERED!"

He paused to catch his breath, and Mrs. Dursley seemed to take that as permission to respond. "That would lead you to ask who it was, and we didn't want you to have anything to do with the M word!" she said.

"I DON'T CARE!" roared Harry. "YOU SHOULD'VE TOLD ME THE TRUTH! YOU WOULDN'T HAVE EVEN TAKEN ME TO KING'S CROSS IF YOU DIDN'T THINK THERE WOULDN'T BE A PLATFORM NINE AND THREE QUARTERS! YOU ACTED LIKE I WAS A BOMB READY TO EXPLODE WHEN I CAME BACK FROM SCHOOL, DIDN'T YOU? YOU THOUGHT I WOULD CURSE YOU IF YOU DID ANYTHING WRONG, DIDN'T YOU? WELL, GUESS WHAT? EVEN IF I HAD BEEN ALLOWED TO DO MAGIC, I WOULDN'T HAVE DONE ANYTHING LIKE THAT! I'M NOT LIKE YOU, OKAY? I WOULDN'T DO THAT! I'M A BETTER MAN THAN YOU, A BETTER WIZARD! EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE MUGGLES!"

"What are you saying, boy?" said Mr. Dursley, frowning.

"SECOND YEAR," continued Harry, ignoring him, "I CAME HOME FROM SCHOOL AGAIN, AND YOU HID MY STUFF AWAY, YOU DIDN'T WANT ME ANYWHERE NEAR IT! I HAD TO SNEAK IT OUT AND THEN DO MY HOMEWORK AT NIGHT, UNDER THE COVERS, WHEN ALL OF YOU WERE ASLEEP! HOW DO YOU THINK I LIKED THAT? IT'S NOT EASY DOING WORK WHEN YOU'RE TIRED!"

"Right, if you're done –" Mr. Dursley began.

"NO, I AM NOT DONE!" Harry screamed. "YOU BLAMED ME FOR EVERY STUPID THING THAT HAPPENED TO YOU! THAT CAKE THAT FELL WHEN THE MASONS WERE HERE? THAT WAS A HOUSE ELF! IT APPEARED IN MY BEDROOM AND TRIED TO WARN ME AWAY FROM HOGWARTS! WHY ON EARTH WOULD I WILLINGLY DROP A CAKE WHEN I KNEW HOW MUCH YOU'D PUNISH ME? AND THE WEASLEY TWINS DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG, THEY JUST HAPPENED TO BE CARRYING THAT TOFFEE, IT MUST'VE FALLEN FROM ONE OF THEIR POCKETS! DUDLEY SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN STUPID ENOUGH TO EAT THE THING! AND THE DEMENTORS, I SAVED DUDLEY'S NECK FROM THEM, ONLY YOU TWO CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE THAT, CAN YOU? DUDLEY KNOWS WHAT I DID FOR HIM, HE FIGURED IT OUT, BUT YOU GUYS ONLY WENT, 'OH, NO, IT'S HARRY'S FAULT THEY WERE THERE, HE'S SUCH A HORRIBLE BOY FOR EXISTING.' IT WAS A WOMAN FROM THE MINISTRY, WHICH WAS COMPLETELY MESSED-UP BACK THEN, WHO SENT THEM, ALL RIGHT? SHE SENT THEM TO ME BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT I OUGHT TO BE SILENCED! OKAY? SO _GET OVER IT!_"

"Okay," said Mr. Dursley weakly. "Well . . . er . . . goodbye."

He left the house, closing the door behind him. Harry pulled back the living room window's curtain a drop to look outside at his aunt and uncle, to make sure they were leaving, and he was astonished to see his cousin Dudley jumping out from behind a bush. Curious, Harry quickly pointed his wand at the window, muttering a spell, and their voices traveled straight through the glass as if it wasn't there.

"—so cough up the dough, son. We did it," Mr. Dursley was saying.

Dudley reluctantly reached into his pockets and pulled out his wallet.

Harry could not believe his cousin had made such a ridiculous bet with his parents. Sighing, he made his way back to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. The piece of cake was halfway to his mouth when he paused.

_Maybe I should first have a drink of water,_ Harry thought. For some reason, his mouth was feeling strangely dry.

**I had lots of fun writing this; I hope you had fun reading!**


End file.
